LONGING

 The kindness you pour onto others 

is longing for it to pour on yourself 

I’m painting a canvas colourful but all I can see is black and white,

The fire of faith is yearning to ignite 

I used to sing and dance, 

But now I just stare into the void 

I see the plants grow with my wound,

How many stitches will it require to mend the bruise?

Every step I take feels fragile,

Trying to solve my own puzzles 

Craving the urge to heal

Seems like a big deal.

Couldn't live without you...

I am a happy wife who loves her husband so much that I could die for him.......

Dear Vivan,
I first saw you sitting on your desk in my dad's office. I started liking you. And started visiting office more often. I even tried to make conversations with you regarding work (blush).
One fine day, i decided to tell my dad about it. But first he didn't like it because he thought you're just an employee in his office, but when i told him how much i loved you he was fine with it. So he decided to talk about it with you. When my dad asked you about it you said no because you had a girlfriend. I was devastated. So my dad decided to offer you a promotion and lots of money to marry me. You took a while to think but after some days you accepted the offer. I was dancing with happiness. All the preparations started.
We had a grand marriage ceremony. And also a happy life after. YOU NEVER FAILED TO SURPRISE ME. You took good care of me. Everything was going fine and one day my dad became sick and he gave the whole company in your hands. You hesitated at first but seeing he's condition you took all the responsibility. And after some days he passed away. I started feeling lonely. You also started working late.
You were sleeping and your phone started ringing so i put your phone on silent so that it doesnt wake you up. But after i saw the name of the caller i was shocked. It was your ex-girlfriend which you were dating before we got married. But i loved you so much that it didn't matter. So i ignored. You informed me about your 1 week trip for some work. I checked your reservations and i found out that you had booked 2 tickets one was for you and other was for your ex girlfriend or maybe current girlfriend. It still didn't matter to me. You left. One day i suddenly felt sick. And i knew the reason already. After 2 days it became critical. I told you about it but you said you can't come right now because of the work pressure and told me to call the doctor. But i didn't call the doctor instead i wrote this letter to you because i knew i was gonna die for sure. I saw you put slow poison in my coffee everyday. And told myself i would do anything for you even if that includes me dying. But remember i loved you so much that i couldn't live without you. I knew your habbit of wetting your fingers with the tongue to turn the page. So i put poison on every corner of the page. Now you have it in your stomach already and you're gonna die soon and we will live together forever.......lots of love and waiting for you.

Yours loving,
Tasha. 

I want to fly....

My throat is aching,
All the words are chocking
How to call for help,
When there is only myself
There are 365 days in a year,
And same number of scars on my body,
For I don't remember anymore what is fear
I'm screaming into the soundproof walls
Trying to stay awake
I'm stuck in these realities
And can't tell real and fake
I'm alone in the middle of ocean,
Fear of drowning every breathe.
i don't know why he blames me
For losing his job
I don't know what's my fault
For the death of my mom.
Adorning the alcohol bottles into flower vase
I keep myself alive in these place
But,
I want to leave
I want to fly
I want to live where no one can make me cry!!!

The lost dream...

Every morning she woke up feeling useless. Once an independent girl, now is totally a dependent one. She felt like she's a burden to her family. Her dreams were crushed and thrown in a bin. Hope was nowhere to be found. Seeing others reaching the same goal she had was very difficult to take in. Her dad could see the pain in her eyes and could totally understand what she's been going through, but he ended up being angry at himself for not being able to help her. He couldn't see her like that. After that he was hardly home. She started blaming herself for this, yet again. But little did she know he was working day and night to earn extra money for her operation. During the day lights, he spent his time working at a restaurant as a table cleaner and other cleaning works and at the night times, worked as a watchman. It's been 2 years since she's on a wheelchair. She lost her one leg in an accident. She was a dancer and her dream was to get selected for a television dancing show. After saving enough money, he took her to the hospital but she had no idea why her dad had been acting so weird. It was the other day when she woke up in the hospital and found something unusual sense in her leg. She looked at her leg and she shed tears after watching the sight. She was given an artificial leg. Her dad was so happy to see her this way. His eyes shined with nothing but pure love and happiness. He only said one thing to her," go live your dream". And she hugged him tightly.

Happily ever after...

So today I went to the restaurant with my family. We were seated when I saw a couple sitting next to us."Will you marry me?" He proposed her in the restaurant ."this can wait but my icecream can't", she said."oh come on just answer my question, would you?". She replied with a smirk,"Surely not again."grandpa scowls and grandma laughs. And then grandpa ordered the cake on which 60 years tag was attached. They both looked very happy. Watching them celebrate their 60th anniversary with no one to take a photo of this moment was mesmerizing as well as little sad. So I was about to get up to ask them if I can help them take a picture, but then he removed his phone from his pocket and took selfies. It was like they don't need anyone when they are together. They were the perfect definition of love and were the proof of happily ever after. Watching them make cute and funny faces I silently wished for them to live longer, together and happier. Forgetting about all the worries and making each other laugh, they cut the cake and fed each other. Grandma took out something from her bag which looked like a ticket, and said here's a ticket for disneyland. Let's become young again. On this grandpa asked her with surprise how did you manage to buy this ticket? Grandma said this are the savings stole from your wallet. And grandpa scowl again. Then grandpa gave her a ring. Grandma said to him,"do you believe?". "Believe that we are still together on our 60th anniversary?", he replied. She said,"no, do you believe that I tolerated you for like 60 years?" Again she was successful in making grandpa scowl and herself laugh.

Million dollar dream...

She would pray everynight to bless her with good new parents. She was very happy where she was. She was with so many lovely people around her. They gave her everything a small girl would need, lots of love. People from different places would come and give gifts to her and her little bunch of friends which was the best part of her life. But somewhere she felt the need of new people who would be her new family. At the same time when she thought that what if her new parents do not treat her well? What if they turn out totally opposite of what she fantasises about. It was killing her from inside because what her old parents did was the reason she was living where she was now.

 But people say everything happens for a reason, isn't it? It must be because god has planned something more better than before. Also she didn't wish to break herself from the people who were always there for her. She always thought of what it would be like to have a new place, new friends, new parents. Children of her age would dream of fairies or superheroes.

 But she would always dream of a new real place, a new world which we all are living right now. What was her fault? Only because she was abnormal. Instead of throwing her in the orphanage you would have made her life more beautiful by treating her better. Atleast she would be able to dream normal things which normal children dream of...

The lost stars....

Staring at the stars, shivering in a cold night a ten years old girl thought, wouldn't this stars, the moon feel cold?

She felt all the stars staring at her but didn't feel uncomfortable like when people stare at her. They might be moving up in infinity but down here they look still and steady. How do the birds, animals find their home in the darkness? Stars help them find their way by lighting their path in the darkness. By thinking of it she thought, is it true that people leave us in darkness? Even our own shadow leaves us in darkness. Does that mean darkness is the symbol of dreadful? How navigators in olden days used to use stars as their path, how did they trust them? So many questions yet no answers. Her mother's words came across her mind. The loved ones when they die they go up in the sky to become a star. She immediately starts finding a star which is her mother. Her mother taught her this before dying from cancer but failed to teach her how to find her in this infinite looking black sky with number of stars in them.